A friend of mine recently decided to face down some nervousness and take the plunge (or dip her toe in the water!) and explore Internet dating after quite a long period by herself. As a person who had used her time of solitude for some intense inner searching (and finding) over recent years, she was approaching this from a different perspective than she had in the past and had learned from previous experience of writing all the things she didn't want on her profile to instead put a more positive (and non-judgmental) spin on her new one.
She decided that a good way to compose this was to phrase it in terms of a wish-liist - something similar to "If wishes came true - we'd share great, intelligent conversation, enjoy going to the movies and talking about them for hours, we'd discuss our favourite books and we'd travel to exotic far-off places - if only in our minds' and so on. A positive,clever way to talk about the things she'd like to share and totally non-threatening...or so she thought!
On the first day that her profile went up she received a message along the liines of: 'Me, me, me! I've never read a more selfish profile. You disgust me! Look at you - you're just a dried-up old trout' and so on.
Whew! Hard to not be stung by something as fierce as that but there are lessons in these things :
(a) People come into your experience for a reason. What was the reason he popped up?
(b) Had she really learned to not let another affect her own wellbeing?
(c) Could she see past the words to the heart of the person who wrote them?
(d) Did he convey something she disowned or feared in herself?
(e) Could she find forgiveness for this man?
In the end, my friend behaved with great integrity. She simply wrote 'And loving kindness to you, too'
And she saw the fear and hurt that were behind his words and wished him well. And then she blocked the sender.
She decided that a good way to compose this was to phrase it in terms of a wish-liist - something similar to "If wishes came true - we'd share great, intelligent conversation, enjoy going to the movies and talking about them for hours, we'd discuss our favourite books and we'd travel to exotic far-off places - if only in our minds' and so on. A positive,clever way to talk about the things she'd like to share and totally non-threatening...or so she thought!
On the first day that her profile went up she received a message along the liines of: 'Me, me, me! I've never read a more selfish profile. You disgust me! Look at you - you're just a dried-up old trout' and so on.
Whew! Hard to not be stung by something as fierce as that but there are lessons in these things :
(a) People come into your experience for a reason. What was the reason he popped up?
(b) Had she really learned to not let another affect her own wellbeing?
(c) Could she see past the words to the heart of the person who wrote them?
(d) Did he convey something she disowned or feared in herself?
(e) Could she find forgiveness for this man?
In the end, my friend behaved with great integrity. She simply wrote 'And loving kindness to you, too'
And she saw the fear and hurt that were behind his words and wished him well. And then she blocked the sender.
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